I Love You! And You Too!

Fantasy date episode in Jamaica has arrived!

First up, Caila.  She has picked out a weird sports bra thing and shorts combo to wear on her date.  I would never pick a half top knowing there's a chance I could be sitting in a raft for hours while floating down a river.  But I guess she hasn't been pregnant with 5 kids so her tummy rolls aren't an issue.  I'd have to lean back and suck it in for the 3 hour tour!  Our usually perky Caila is abnormally quiet and there's lots of awkward silence, except for someone serenading them on their raft with some sort of wind instrument (or maybe we're the only ones hearing it?).  That night they put on actual clothes and the Sandals Resort (who got in lots of product placement this episode), set up a couch on the beach for a romantic spot to talk.  Ben asks what has been wrong with her.   "It's crazy that you noticed that I didn't talk to you today" or smile or bounce around like a 14 year old teenager like she usually does, she responds.  Ben gets her to spill her feelings and before she can hold back again, she spits out that she loves him.  This earns her the expected fantasy suite card, which she excepts and excitedly slips into her bikini for some fireworks as they kiss in the ocean.  That wet bikini bum sits itself on their fantasy suite bed for a make out session before the cameras are kicked out.  I read an article where he said that his religious beliefs helped him make a decision not to go too far in the fantasy suites, so I'm choosing to think they giggled and kissed into the night, despite what the show wants you to think.

The next morning, probably mere minutes after kissing Caila goodbye, he's off to greet Lauren, in her toosh showing shorts.  They bum a ride in some local fisherman's rickety little boat (could they not find a nicer mode of transpiration?) out to an island to help save baby sea turtles.  Was anyone else waiting for a sea gull to come swoop one up on its way to the water?  Then it's another make out session with another hot body in the ocean.  Rough life for Ben.  That night, in a skin tight bubble gum pink lycra half top dress, they dance to some reggae and then head to a dinner that they're not actually going to eat.  I've decided that they eat dinner somewhere else off camera and then set up a romantic setting with a fake dinner as a scene for talking to take place, because no one wants to see them talk with a mouth full of food I guess.  Of course she accepts the invitation letter, totally not written by Chris Harrison (I'm fairly certain he doesn't have big bubbly handwriting) for the fantasy suite.  There she musters up the courage to tell Ben that she loves him and, dun dun dun, he tells her that he loves her!!  For those big Bachelor fans out there, you know what a HUGE deal this is!  The Bachelor DOES NOT DO THIS!  And for good reason! But Ben is breakin' the rules, that rebel, and actually reciprocates her feelings!  You can see the shock and excitement on her face.  She thinks she's got this in the bag!  He is hers!  They make out.  Cut to the next scene where he is waking up next to girl #2, both giddy and in love.

He heads home, takes a shower and heads out to see girl #3.  Ben in his frumpy uniform of V-neck and shorts escorts JoJo to their Helicopter of Love and it takes them to some beautiful waterfalls.  It's yet another gorgeous body in a satin bikini.  She tells him she loves him and because he's so practiced at it now he tells her that he loves her TOO!!  It's like a train wreck.  So awful that you have to keep watching.  She's so surprised by his BIG announcement that she gets emotional.  Dude you just dug yourself in a hole!!!   I just ache for these girls.  Because of his declaration they feel so safe!  All those guarded walls come tumbling down with those 3 words because they think they are the one!  Next scene, he's again sitting next to his fake dinner, positioned next to a river, delivering another fantasy suite card.  Then there's another required bikini in the bedroom scene accompanied by exchanged I love yous.  JoJo's brothers are probably looking for their shotguns right now.  The next morning we watch him repeat the same endearing words to JoJo that he said to Lauren. yikes.

In staged scenes of contemplation Ben explains to the camera that he now knows Caila is no longer in the running.   But sadly she has no clue and has decided she should surprise Ben in another weird sunset colored sports bra shirt.  With her perma grin she sneaks up on a not so excited to see her, Ben.  We all know she's going to be leaving in tears.  As she grabs his hand he lets it go and sits down for a talk.  She takes the rejection like a champ and sobs her way to the airport.

At the rose ceremony, Jojo in a hot plunging floral dress and Lauren in a red drapey swimsuit cover up like dress, both separately tell Chris that Ben told them they love them.  Both girls stand there looking confident and are smugly thinking about how they've got this!  Each get a rose and think of how excited they are to be Ben's wife.  Ben on the other hand is sweating and looking like he's going to pass out.  WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO?!???

Were you all dying watching this episode, yelling things at the TV like I was?  And what is with the previews of the finale?!  Who is he talking to on that rose gold iphone of his???   And if you read a spoiler you are NOT allowed to comment!   People what are your guesses???