Dead End for my Girl

Tonight we start things with Brad in his page boy cap, reviewing each individual "love" story. Then he heads across country to Seattle, WA for a hometown date with Chantal. She looks great in her satin black tailored shirt and red scarf. Her hair was extra shiney, I was kind of mesmorized by it swishing around. The usual tears and emotional messes were replaced by the chipper, confident Chantal we first met. Their first stop was her house, where she lives with her little fur ball puppy Boca and two cats. After lounging on her couch with a beer and getting approval from her dog they head to her parents house...uhem...mansion. Holy moly! Did anyone else imagine that Chantal was the child of Daddy Warbucks and Mama Botox? There were hugs and hellos and then off they went for some one on one discussions. Brad and Dad's man time was a hit. They love each other. And Chantal sat and cried (surprise surprise) with her mom. The date really couldn't have gone any better. Now Chantal and her family want to marry Brad.... like tomorrow if possible. Sadly, I think this date might have just won her the final rose.

Next Brad hopped a plane, and then a little prop plane and then a two hour drive to get to Ashley in some teeny tiny town in northern Maine. Dr Ashley excitedly hopes that "there's chemistry and sparks" on this date. As soon as they reunite they head to have lunch at a restaurant where she had her first job. Brad tells her, "I could live here." Wait, that sounds familiar, didn't you just say that to Chantal? Over a plate of mushy gravyied fries Ashley tells him that she's done discussing how "disconnected" they are and then slips a peek at his dental work. After picking up a couple lobsters they're on their way to meet her family. They're all super excited to see each other again, and are practically bouncing off their lime green walls (and what was with the blurred out painting on the wall? Are they into obscene art?). The happiness was so over the top that it reminded me of a skit on SNL. Though nothing really went wrong on the date, I just don't think he's head over heels for her. Thank goodness she's still got dentistry!

Next we're on our way to Chico, CA, but before we see the happy reunion, a commercial for Shawntel's family funeral home runs. I guess that was lead in to the date of death. We begin with shots of a cemetery. Oh please don't tell me we're meeting at the funeral home...oh no...oh yes we are. Shawntel is in an appropriately black dress, but with some fun true to character brown cowboy boots. She's looking peppy while Brad is looking a bit green. Was it really her idea to spend the morning talking about cremation and embalming? Half way through she tells Brad to hop up on the prep table. Did she think he'd would think this was fun or sexy? She was dead wrong. Brad is having a hard time breathing. They could've played the death march through out the whole hometown date. And if that wasn't enough, Shawntel's dad was visibly disapointed in Shawntel's desires to leave the family buisness if Brad picked her in the end. The guilt was laid on thick. As she bears her heart to Brad at the end, I watched his dead pan face and stiff kisses. There's no interest anymore. This date "killed" it. The death of Shawntel.

We made our final stop in Charlotte NC, home of practically perfect Emily and her daughter Ricki. First we see the reunion of mama and and her baby girl (who is still sucking her 5 year old thumb... I start to judge and then remember that I sucked my thumb until right before kindergarden too). As they play at the park, Emily tries to explain to Ricki that she's met some new friends. That explains the soon to be coming Brad, but how did she explain the ever present cameras? Brad nervously walks over toting along a hot pink present. Smart little Ricki wanted nothing to do with this Brad guy. She hid behind Emily and never made eye contact, until the temptation of the colorful kite was too much. Did you all breath a sigh of relief when you saw her giggle? They continued their date in Emily's beautiful home. Reality sunk in while they cooked their own dinner, played Candy Land, colored and tucked Ricki into bed. As he gets ready to leave he tells Emily that he's not going to kiss her out of respect, because her daughter was right upstairs. Emily isn't going to have it. "You are being so sweet and so respectful but it's okay to kiss me. If this thing works out, she'll always be upstairs sleeping." That's code for "I'm not just a mama, I'm a woman who wants a big smacker!" He's still feeling awkward and hesitant, so she has to take matters in her own hands/lips. I don't doubt that he really, REALLY likes her, but I just don't think it's enough.

Back to NY, seated next to Chris Harrison, with the ladies pictures glowing behind him. There's no cocktail party. Just straight to business. The girls are all dressed in short boldly colored dresses, reminded me of Barbie apparel. As soon as Ashley received the first rose, I knew my dreams for Shawntel were shattered. Emily, in a darling bright blue one shoulder dress got the next rose. And then Chantal in her not so flattering bun got the last rose. Shawntel in her funeral black mini and black finger nail polish is led to the freezing cold balcony (you could see her breath!). I wanted to cry with her and when she says that she's never been treated so good by a guy... a guy, mind you, that was dating bunches of other women at the same time. So sad. He leads her down to her hurst, I mean limo, while she remains graceful, with compliments and a few tears.

Brad boiunces back to his final 3 girlfriends and announces that thy're heading to South Africa. Does a jungle safari sound romantic to anyone? Okay, but after seeing the previews I changed my mind and think it's terribly romantic and so incredibly exciting! Can't wait!