Bermuda

Boys in swimsuits all gather 'round Chris, pretty sure they don't get out of those things unless necessary.  Chris starts telling them about the dates this week, but I get distracted by his bright purple gingham button up shirt.  Had to rewind to hear the details of their trip to... Bermuda.  And it looks like the awkward two on one date will be rearing its ugly head. 

Cut to Bermuda, which is "SO Emily" with the turquoise water and pink and yellow houses.  She brought Ricki along for the adventure and hopes to come back in a few years pregnant and pushing a stroller.  She's serious about this baby makin' stuff.  The boys arrive on their scooters which apparently are on fire by the looks of all the smoke coming from them.  First date card arrives and the one on one is for Daddy Doug, right on!

Emily arrives looking like she just got back from getting spray tan.  She and Daddy Doug wander around in little shops.  Afterward, they pause to write out a postcard to his son.  Daddy Doug answers all of Emily's "tough" questions with more of his superman answers.  I was glad that he was honest enough to admit that he can get grumpy and admitted to his "hulk" moment with the guys just before she picked him up.  That night Emily ditched her maxi dress for a simple white dress bedazzled with a big silver butterfly on it.  The night was going well for Emily, but his "perfect" answers are making her a bit nervous.  Biggest flaw: "spend too much quality time with my son."  What would the ex say about you: "I don't wash her car enough."  Yeah, gag.  Be real dude.  Emily is more real than I ever thought.  Never knew that if I ran into her doing her errands, she'd still be in her jammies (that's awesome, cuz that's how I roll too.)  Despite his questionable perfectness, Emily gives him a rose, but there's no kissing from Daddy.  He's a slow mover, cuz Grandpa says you gotta wait til she's showing you she really wants it.  Do you believe Daddy Doug? 

Group date: it's Cutie Patootie Charlie, Shallow Ryan, Squinty Eyed Chris, Water Drinkin' Jef, Our Genetic Gift Sean, Racin' Arie, Travis and Cologne.  Emily in her cream cable knit sweater and short shorts tells the boys they'll be sailing.  They'll be having a race where the winners get to spend more time with Emily. And the competitive testosterone kicks in.  After a tight race, half the guys head on home to the hotel (they're VERY bummed, and we may have even seen tears from Charlie).  But Jef, Ryan, Arie and Cologne score the beach party. Arie escapes with Emily and a fluffy blanket to cuddle on the beach.  He just couldn't wait for some more smoochin'.  I think he's had the most lip lockin' out of all the guys.  The blanket continues on with Emily and Jef.  They sit next to the bonfire, his big hair blowin' a mile high, and he tells her he really likes her.  He's not Mr Suave which I think really intrigues Emily.  She's liking the chase and the anticipation.  Shallow Ryan just gets more shallow with comments about his Trophy Wife, spouting off quotes from his past coaches, and quoting scripture in REALLY odd context.  Crazy enough, as the date rose comes out it goes to Jef... I'm tellin' ya, more people on this show gotta lean the art of the chase.

So now it's the dreaded two on one date, Nate VS Wolf.  Pretty much they are the same guy, just one is blond and one is dark.  They meet Emily on a yacht.  Not sure what Emily is wearing cuz she has a huge white flowy scarf covering it all.  They're doing some cliff diving and then have dinner down underground in these cool caves.  Ok I've totally been to a cool place like that (see my post on my trip to Cancun... I think our caves were cooler, and we got to swim in them).  She's sandwiched in between the two guys at dinner and it's pure awkwardness.  So Emily decides it's time for some one on one time.  First she takes Nate aside to get to know him better, and what she learns is that his brother is awesome and he cries easily.  Now it's Wolf's turn.  He seems a bit more confident and comfortable.  And Emily saw it too and Wolf gets the rose.  Poor Nate in his khaki blazer and Miami vice V-neck says good bye and floats away.  Surprisingly we don't see how the rest of the night goes with the Wolf.  Apparently it's not too exciting.

Before the rose ceremony Emily, all dressed up in her hot white one shouldered gown, goes over Ricki's sight words with her and then leaves her with the nanny.  I wish I had a nanny to help with homework. bleh.  Oh wait, it's not a gown!  It's a pant suit thingy.  She's not the only one in an odd clothing choice.  What in the world was Jef thinking when he put on his suit coat and Bermuda shorts with long bright blue socks?  Did he forget his suit pants back in the states?  And did Shallow Ryan forget his reality check back in the states?  Why does he think he's the greatest thing God ever made?  Please tell me Emily sees this dork for what he really is!  And heaven help me, if they actually did make him the next Bachelor, like he dreams of, I would NOT be watching.  Our Squinty eyed Chris proves that age IS a factor when he goes bizzerk over a make believe disagreement with Ryan and Daddy Doug.   And the roses go to: Our Genetic Gift Sean, At the Front of the Race Arie, Travis who?, Squinty eyed Chris, Shallow Ryan (Wha?), Cologne, and The Mushroom Man!  Seriously, she picked mushrooms over Cutie Patootie Charlie?  No surprise that Long Haired Michael is heading home, I haven't heard a single word from the guy.  In my opinion the Frontrunners are:  Arie who she just can't kiss enough and Jef who she just can't get to kiss her.  Next week they're off to London where it looks like we get to learn a bit more about Jef and we'll see who makes the HUGE mistake of calling Ricki "baggage".  Yikes!