A Glittery Time in Croatia

Emily arrives in Croatia!  Whoa, I'd love to know who picks the locations.  If it's Emily, I'm totally impressed with her sense of culture and adventure.  I think most Bachelorettes would hit one tropical beach after the other.  But this time Emily is traveling alone, no Ricki scampering beside her.  And just as we hear her voice over talking about how much she is missing having Ricki there, we see a Croatian toddler screaming behind her!  Ha!  Yeah Em, sometimes even good mommies need breaks.  Enjoy this one!  The boys arrive on a boat, take in the gorgeous shore line, and then check out their suite, with one amazing view.  There's a knock at the door, it isn't Chris!  It's a glittery gold Emily with a card for Travis.  Really Emily?  Do you really think there is a chance with this one?  They greet with a totally platonic hug and wander the old city streets using phrases like "comfortable", "good guy", "good heart" and "really good friendship."  Over dinner Emily, looking like a biker chick in her black leather and heavy liner, was determined "to find out if we have any connection beyond just friends."  Hmmm, when you have to look for it, it usually isn't there.  Aaaaand, Emily sees it too.  With rose in hand and lots of "you're a great guy" kind of words, she tells him the romance just isn't there.  The thunder adds emphasis to his broken heart and off he goes walking alone in the rain, tossing his umbrella away in frustration.

Group date card arrives.  Do you think the guys are allowed to leave their suite, or are they like trapped with a bunch of dudes, drinking and looking out their window?  The date goes to John, Daddy Doug, Our Genetic Gift Sean, Jefy, Squinty eyed Chris and Arie.

The boys huddle around in their sea of plaid shirts.  They get to watch a sneak peek of the movie Brave.  After the movie the boys get to have their own duel for their princess' heart.  For some reason abc feels it's appropriate to tape them getting undressed and then dressed in their Croatian kilts.  Even Emily took off her silver glittered cardigan for some Croatian garb.  The guys arrive to the battle field on their donkeys (most of the men were bigger than their ride!) and begin the competition with an archery competition.  I did notice some impressive arm muscles!  I also noticed that Chris is a girl.  Maybe he stinks at all these events because of his odd stiffness, have you noticed that he can't really swivel his head?  Like his skin is on a bit too tight.  But apparently Emily liked his "bravery" in attempting it all and decided he was the wiener, I mean the winner of the duel.  This won him some alone time and kisses with Emily.  Emily glittered it back up in her black sequined dress at the after party.  She spent her time making sure Sean knew that she liked him, making out with Arie, cuddling and kissing with Jefy on the docks and giving a rose to an absolutely dorky Chris.

Last date is with shallow, slimy, cocky Ryan.  Looks like the guys feel the same way about him.  What I can't understand is how Emily can stand him!  Emily was adorable in her flats (no heels!!), spitting out oysters, and questioning comments about how she'd make a great "trophy wife".  That night Emily dressed up like a glittery Oscar trophy and decides NOT to give our very self assured Ryan the rose.  In an odd, kinda freaky coolness he says he is shocked and begins to try to convince her that she is making the wrong choice.  And he talked and talked and talked.  Oh somebody escort that man out of there!  Finally Ryan and his turquoise shoes took the walk of shame and found himself a taxi.   Pretty sure we won't be seeing him on the next Bachelor, though I wouldn't be shocked if the Bachelor Pad came a calling.  He's exactly the reason I don't watch that show.

As Emily gets ready for bed at her quaint cottage place (no flashy penthouse for her) there's a knock at the door.  It's Arie!  He's escaped his dude prison.  He's there to comfort her with his assuring words and his abundance of kisses.  It even scored him a secret rose. 

Rose ceremony time and she's all glittery again.  This time it's a long white gown.  She admits she's "bobbling" between sending home John or Daddy Doug.  We have a tender moment with John as he admits to her that he carries around his grandparents funeral cards.  With tears in both their eyes they have their first kiss.  Then it's Daddy Doug's turn and we learn that he is SOOO slow.  SHE had to tell him to scooch on over, SHE had to put his arm around her, and then SHE had to tell him to be more confident and assertive. Have mercy boy!  Do you want her or not!!!   And the roses go to Our Genetic Gift Sean, Jefy, Arie, aaaaaaaaand a dramatic exit!  Camera follows Emily out to find Chris.  She needs another rose.  She's not ready for either to go.  So John and Daddy Doug get another chance in.... Prague!  Come on Daddy Doug, it's time to pucker up!