5 Episodes in One

Soooooo, the Bachelorette started a few weeks ago.  I have been watching.  Of course I have.  But I have to be honest, I'm having a hard time getting into this season.  Maybe that's why I haven't blogged about it.  It's not for a lack of totally weird, dramatic, absurd and completely laughable moments.  Such as:  The Battle of the Bachelorettes.  Britt verses Kaitlyn.  The guys awkwardly meet both girls when getting out of the limos the first night… who do you say hello to first?  Who gets the weird or totally inappropriate first one liner introduction?  Do you do it twice?  Britt is calm collected and ready to be the Bachelorette.  Kaitlyn looks like she's going to puke and feels like the wing man to the pretty, popular girl (oh I so know that feeling!).  Which made it all the better when Kaitlyn is voted in, by the guys, as the new Bachelorette!  Glad it was her.  Not sure I could've endured hours and hours of Britt's overly sweet, with a dash of faked humility, attitude.

By the second episode, we'd had one rose ceremony, one big brash drunkard had been kicked off by Chris Harrison, half the guys switched who they were in love with, she'd kissed a guy or two or maybe three, and one had left to hunt down the loser limo that Britt had disappeared in.

Since then we've had some of the worst dates ever.  First group date we watched the Bachelors punch each other's lights out (and who was in charge of matching up the boxing contenders?  Why in the world was a 175 lb man fighting the 225 lb man??).  Ben the Bull, of course won, since he outweighed everyone by 50 lbs, but we come to find out this bull is more like Ferdinand the Bull, big and burly on the outside and sweet and sensitive on the inside.  I kinda like him.

Then there was the underwater photo shoot with Clint.  Weird.  Just weird.  Next was the comedy club stint, where we pretty much just solidified how much we all hate JJ.  My favorite part of the entire night was when comedian Amy Shumer says "JJ's a sweetheart, he's just missing charisma, humility and a sense of humor, but beside that you should hire him to be the next bachelor.  Maybe when he sees the show he'll reflect on himself and not be such a turd".  Amen sista!

Then the worst dates of Bachelorette history took place in episode 4. First there was Sumo wrestling.  It was the male version of the bad farmer bikini date of last season.  All the men were stuck in thong like diapers, with their genitalia being blurred out but talked about for 10 minutes.  So over it.  So was Mr Zen, our Healer Tony, who has "the heart of a warrior and a gypsy soul", who left all he loves, his bonsai tree and his dog, to be here.  He wanted nothing to do with all these testosterone driven dates.   So after some peck popping conversation with Kaitlyn he decides it's time for him to leave.

After this, Ben the Bull gets a single date, the single most scariest date ever.  Seriously a living nightmare. So basically she and the Bull are trapped in a room looking for a code, while scary birds (no not vultures or big taloned eagles, but pigeons… super scary pigeons) flew around, mummy guy rises from the bed and slinks around, snakes are everywhere, there's cockroaches, and scorpions with freaky lighting flashing on and off.  I could barely watch.  If anything, it was bonding for the two of them.  Afterward we learn that the Bull hasn't cried since his mom died.  He's tried to cry.  Just you wait, dear Ferdinand, the Bachelorette will break you!

The last group date was RIDICULOUS!  I seriously don't know what actually happened because I was SO offended by it that I skipped it completely.  Apparently ABC thinks it's entertaining, or funny, for a bunch of dorks to teach some elementary kids about sex.  I might have to get on my soap box about this.  It was wrong.  One of the most incredibly sacred things in the world should not be mocked in the way it was on this show.

There were other dates going on, back at the Bachelor pad, between Clint (who I think looks like Heath Ledger) and JJ (how does she ignore his nasty teeth and annoying personality??!!).  The "bromance" between the two, was in my opinion, one big attempt for more TV time.  They wanted to come off as Brokeback Mountain villains and abc ate it up…. trash tv at it's finest.

And now we're caught up!  So tonight we start off with her kicking Clint off after hearing what a jerk he is.  He and his "buddy" JJ swear at each other for 10 minutes, JJ cries and slaps himself, it's all super weird.  And then Chris announces they're off to New York City.

Both group dates centered around making them feel as ridiculous as possible.  First we had a rap battle. Right.  And the other group date was Clay Aiken's dream… a Broadway play tryout.  It was bad.

Those dates and the individual date with Jared the Vampire (he's just so pointy, his nose, his chin, his eyebrows, it all reminds me of a friend of Edward Cullen's), were all over powered by the great controversy of Nick.  Nasty Nick from Andie's season is back.  Yes, he's the one who on the men tell all show, blurted out to everyone that they had slept together.  Anyway, he and Kaitlyn had apparently been texting each other before the show started and both felt there was something there between them.  So of course, in abc's timely fashion, he dramatically shows up 4 weeks into the season, wanting to be given a chance too!  To be honest, when I see the two of them together I can see they're already totally crushing on each other.  And the fact that they knew each other in REAL life gives him a real upper hand.  After watching their first kiss I felt bad for the other guys, cuz that kiss was fo' realz!  Not forced, not awkward, totally LEGIT passion.  I knew then she would keep him on, despite the disapproval of the other guys.  And she did.

So now we're down to:
Justin - floppy haired, big lipped, but understanding of Kaitlyn's need to keep Nick around
Dr Cupcake - our dentist who has a nice set of Johnny Depp Willy Wonka teeth
Jared - our Vampire
Shaun - aka Ryan Gosling
Joe - nice hick from my beloved Kentucky (love listening to that accent, miss it!)
Ian - the Old Spice Man who may or may not be bordering on stalker like feelings toward Kaitlyn
JJ - heaven help me, get that nasty guy off this show
Joshua - our down to earth welder from Idaho!  He had a place in my heart after the first episode when he gave Kaitlyn the metal rose he welded for her!
Jonathon - sorry but I don't think he has a chance
Ben the Bull
Other Ben - the super cute, suave kisser who we need to see more of
Tanner - got nothin' for him
Nothin; for Corey or Ryan B either.

Oh and Nick.

No rose ceremony at the end.  ABC seems to really like these cliff hanger endings lately.  I think they're annoying.  I want it to be wrapped up each week.  Start fresh the following Monday.

So am I alone on this being a weird season?  Anyone else feeling this way?  Anyone sad that Kaitlyn was picked?  Anyone else totally annoyed by Britt and her new boyfriend… I don't want to see them anymore.  They're gross.