Two Weeks Worth

So I was out of town last week, and I have to admit that even as I was enjoying the amazingness of the Caribbean, on Monday night I was thinking about how sad I was that I missed my Bachelor episode. Ha!  Thank goodness for DVR!  Last night I had a 4 hour Bachelor marathon!  Because of the jet lag (its 3 hours later in Antigua!) I could barely keep my eyes open, despite the drama.  So this will be quick.

The Ridiculous Dates (in last weeks episode):

Lake and Camping Group date - I'll give you one guess at what the girls were wearing as they set up tents for their overnight camping trip.  I can honestly say I have never, nor have I ever seen anyone ever wear a bikini while setting up a tent.  Give those girls some cute coverups for heavens sake.  Some girls were wearing less than that while frolicking in the muddy lake water.

Cinderella Advertisement date - Chris' 3 sisters interviewed the girls to choose who would get this princess date.  They chose my favorite gal, Jade.  She got a pink haired fairy godmother, was showered with gifts of diamonds and some pretty rockin' shoes.  The rest of the date was abc's attempt to get us all to go watch the new movie Cinderella.

Wedding Dress Mud Run date - Ok, so this date was fun.  Girls dressed in wedding dresses compete to complete an obstacle course.  With Gym freak Jillian there, no one had a chance.  Muddy girls sprayed off and went home while Jillian stayed and talked her way out of a rose while Chris thought of unicorns.

The Ridiculous Dates (in Santa Fe, New Mexico… and Megan, that's IN this country):

Meditating Love Guru date - evidence that this show completely confuses love with sex.  She's no love guru.  Poor Carly got stuck with the weirdest, funniest, most inappropriate date I have ever watched (and that's saying a lot for this show).  Lots of breathing and awkward intimate positions.

River Rafting date - girls ditched their bikinis for some stretchy pants.  Actually quite a cool date… especially for Jade who fell in and almost got hypothermia.  Things got dramatic that night when Jordan (eliminated week 2) showed up wanting a 2nd chance and Chris wanted to know how each of the girls felt about that.  Eye roll.  Really, he needed to ask?  Needless to say, Jordan was told good bye, again.  I just hoped she was able to stay sober on her drive home to Colorado.

One Stinky Balloon Ride date - Britt, who we learn hasn't showered since the show began, gets the last one on one date.  It's a balloon ride over the Rio Grande and a "nap" back in Chris' hotel room.

SO where are we at now?  What girls are left?

Ashley Kardashian - If you didn't catch her hints while watching, SHE'S A VIRGIN!!!!!!!  I don't know why she is totally freaking out about this fact.  I was totally comfortable and happy about my decision to save that part of myself for marriage and I have a TON of friends who did the same.   I wanted to dish out a quick heel palm to her forehead and tell her to chill out!

Becca - She's a virgin too.  But a cooler virgin.

Stinky Britt - So Michelle Money's totally inappropriate outburst at the beginning of the season was correct.  The girl doesn't shower or wash her hair.  And apparently she puts on makeup BEFORE going to bed.  Interesting.  She's been a front runner with Chris.  How could you NOT want to kiss those plump well lipsticked lips?  Well, whether or not her hair is totally smelly, I was totally digging her side braid at the rose ceremony.

Whining Whitney - Though she's a bit stiff, I do appreciate her Kentucky sweetness

Kaitlyn - She's got those totally amazing red pouty lips too.  And even though she isn't exactly classy, she is pretty down to earth and fun.  I guess I can see why Chris likes her.  Does anyone else confuse her with Stinky Britt sometimes?

Jade - Darling!!  Small town girl, now doing big things in the big city (building her own company!).  Sweet, drama free and in my opinion, the best match for Farmer Chris.

Cruise Line Singer Carly - Oh so perky!  Poor thing got the worst date ever, but in the end turned it into something that bonded them.  Felt super bad for her, no boy has ever treated her well, history.  But I also found myself shouting advice to her through the TV screen "Girlfriend!  Don't depend on a man for your self confidence!  Don't gauge your amazingness on whether or not a guy wants to sleep with you!"  Oh society has seriously screwed up the minds of so many women!  It's just like her ridiculous date, putting so much emphasis on sex as foundation for love.  Should I get off my soapbox now?

Megan - Oh this girl tries too hard to be sexy.  From her clothes, to her hair, to her makeup.  In the end she just ends up looking like a blond Elvira.

Samantha - who in the world is she?  Has anyone heard a single word from this brunette Barbie?

Mama MacKenzie - Liked her hair straightened and her aqua shirt dress that she paired with boots at the rose ceremony.  But she's still talking about aliens.

Creepy Kelsey - Something about this girl is down right disturbing.  I started off feeling sorry for her sad back story (she's a widow) but after a few episodes I'm more annoyed with her fake laugh, freaky eyes and sulky attitude.  We were left with a To Be Continued last night with Kelsey writhing on the hallway floor, having a panic attack.  Farmer Chris was having his own panic attack outside, mumbling something about time and making the most of everyday.  So who do you think is on the chopping block?