Bachelor: Blood, Birthdays and Bad Breath

Whaa hoo it's Monday night again. I've got a bowl of oreos beside me, a big glass of milk and my laptop in, well my lap, and I'm ready for some Bachelor! I started the night so excited about my weekly drama, but must admit, by the end of this episode I was quite annoyed. I really didn't like this weeks show. I think it was the dedication of like half of the show to the drama between two lame girls... but we'll get to that later.

We start off with Chris who is welcoming the girls to their new crib and begins the explanation on how this whole "reality dating" game will work. Uh Chris, I'm pretty sure these gals already know exactly how this things works, but thanks for the recap. After Melissa's declaration that she has been dying to be on the show for the last 8 years and has "spent a fortune on clothes, dresses and gowns" and even quit her job (gasp! wait... she's a waitress) and so she desperately needs a rose, Chris leaves the first date card and dashes away before he's trampled by Brunette girl who comes flying across the room to grab the card first.

And the first one on one date goes to Ashley H (our darling dentist). Brad pulls up in a flashy car and a pink(or is it purple?) dress shirt. Ashley trots out in a darling little gold sequin-ey toule-ey layered dress. And they're off with the top down (when will the guys on this show learn that these girls probably spent hours on their hair and probably aren't quite as excited about the windblown look). He pulls up to some abandoned road and drags her down a dirt path (in her heels) in the pitch dark. Scary. If some guy did that on a real date the girl would be running away as fast as her heels could take her. But no worries, they're not on a "real" date. After walking for a bit they come upon a switch and when she flips it she sees....a CARNIVAL, just for them. Huh? An abandoned, no one running it carnival, again, if this was a real date the girl would be heading for the hills. (Did any of you watch the series Heroes? Lots of freaky people in carnivals!) But it didn't seem to bother Ashley. They frolicked from ride to ride like "5 year olds."

Flash to the house where another date card has arrived. It's a group date for Keltie, Kimberly, Marissa, Chantal, Melissa, Madison, Rachel, Britt, Megan, Emily, Stacey, Alli, Chantal, Lisa and Michelle, yes that's 15 girls on one date with Brad. That would stink to be on that date... but just you wait, that date is even worse than it sounds.

Now back to the spooky Carnival, where they're curled up in the photo booth with wine and cotton candy. Brad's pretty impressed with darling Dr. Ashley. "I like this girl, I like this girl a lot" he states to the camera and he tells Ashley that this is "by far the best date I've been on in years" and she simply replies "Same!" After twirling around in rides for a few hours they wander over to a spot to sit down and he asks her, what makes her, her. She tells him about how her mom has pretty much raised her, her dad had problems with addiction and is homeless. And what do you know, Brad had the same upbringing. The emotion is high. I think I see tears in Brad's eyes. I think we're getting a glimpse into what his therapy sessions sounded like. But ya know, I'm with Brad, I actually really like this girl. She seems pretty grounded. And she seems to have a pretty good connection with Brad. "She enabled me to completely let down my walls." and that things "probably couldn't have gone any better." Rock on sister. She gets a rose and hopefully we'll be seeing more of her.

Now onto the biggest group date in the history of the show. First we hear from Michelle who is getting ready for her big (as in 15 people big) date and she has on the BIGGEST earrings I've ever seen. Maybe they're her birthday earrings, because today's her birthday. She's turning 30 today. It's her birthday. That fact may really work for her on this date, get her a little bit more one on one time. Anyway, so todays group date has an agenda, to help us, the viewers, to be more aware of the needs of the Red Cross. I'm thinking vampire girl is pretty excited about being around so much blood. Oh wait, they're not actually going to give blood (that would be way too practical and actually helpful) but instead they'll be acting in commercials for the Red Cross (commercials that I'm pretty sure will NEVER be shown on national TV). All the girls were assigned their weird roles to play. Some girls are in catsuits while others are rednecks in a neckbrace (poor Keltie...you're right honey, you'll never have a chance now). Now how is all this random junk going to become a "public service announcement" for the Red Cross? It was DUMB. With all the terrible acting, horrible first kisses/makeouts and listening to Michelle whine and whine and whiiiiine about how it was her birthday (oh yeah, did I mention it was her birthday) and how she didn't feel special, I just wanted to fast forward this whole date. Michelle was sooooo trying to work this birthday thing and even went as far as leaving the set (not doing her commercial) and sulking in a corner until Brad came and found her. She is SO up to something. Ya know I even wonder if it really is her birthday.

Well, afterward they had a party up on some roof (that of course has a pool, any chance abc can get to have everyone in their bikinis). Brad wants everyone to have "a lot of fun, no drama." Good luck with that Brad. What show do you think you're on? These girls didn't come on the show to hang out with each other and have fun. Oh and the drama was abundant. The one rose went to Michelle, the birthday girl, who I'm pretty sure Brad HAD to give the rose to or he'd look like a total jerk. Oooh she is NO good.

The next one on one date went to Jackie. Jackie's date is supposed to be her own Pretty Woman experience. Considering that's all about a prostitute, I'm not so sure that was a good reference. First they hit the spa treatments. They sit with their matching mud masks while he pampers her with a hand massage. After that he takes her into a room full of gowns and shoes all in her size and tells her they're hers to choose from. Oooh, now that would be fun! But oh! I was seriously disapointed in the dress she picked. It was this ugly drapey silver dress, topped with a weird, messy side pony tail. The whole thing was kinda grandma-ish. He takes her to the Hollywood Bowl for a dinner where he's shocked as she tells him that she's only had 2 boyfriends in her life. Brad does not like this news. Reminds him too much of the "old" Brad. I just think she's stiff. Don't see them together at all! But Brad gave her a rose anyway (he didn't consult me). And then the band Train showed up to put on a concert for them. I couldn't help but think he was required to give her that rose, cuz 1) he just didn't seem that into her, even his kiss seemed just friendly 2) if he hadn't given her the rose then they wouldn't have had the "magical" moments during the Train concert (can you see it, the producer heading backstage to tell Train "sorry, we won't be needing you anymore, he didn't give her a rose and they're heading home).

Now we're to the oh so annoying cocktail party. Seriously the whole thing was so obnoxious starting with Michelle stealing him away within micro-seconds of him arriving (and she has a rose) to ask him what's in his fridge and if he preferred Starbucks or the Coffee Bean. I enjoyed the conversation between Emily and Brad. She is just so sweet and Brad admits he gets flustered around her. The rest of the party (and show for that matter) is dedicated to watching Raichel and Melissa fighting. Both girls sealed the kiss of death on them by attempting to drag the Bachelor into their drama. Melissa, in the midst of crying and whining to Brad about the whole thing, stops and talks about the onions on her pizza and her bad breath. Real attractive. Poor Brad. Did he seriously CHOOSE to do this again?

Finally Chris comes in! Hooray, let's end this night. But no, it's not time for roses. He has a surprise for everyone. Ali and Roberto (our, so far still together couple, from the last Bachelorette) are here to help Brad... because they're SOOOO wise after their experience on the show. They're going to be talking to each of the girls to see who's here for the right reasons. After lots of heart felt (or totally fake) conversations, their rose goes to Emily, sweet sweet Emily. I'm telling ya, how can you NOT like this girl.

And the rest of the roses go to Chantal O, Sarah, Ali, Kimberly, Shantel N, Stacey, Ashley S, Madison (Fangs), Lisa, Marissa, Megan, Lindsay and Britt. Ha! That's my guy! Just get rid of the dumb drama queens Melissa and Raichel! He also didn't pick Keltie, who I actually thought was kind of fun. I actually felt sorry for her, especially during her farewell speech when she states that coming on the show "was my last ditch effort, maybe love just isn't in the cards for me." Well, hopefully next week will be a bit better. No matter what, I'll be watching.

PS I ate like 30 oreos during the watching of this show.