Pathetic in Panama

Monkeys, rain forest, skyscrapers, and we're in Panama city. They're staying in the Trump hotel. Ben greets them and strangely (where's Chris?) drops off the date card. And the only one on one date goes to My Girl Kasey B.

Ben arrives in an AWFUL outfit of orange and yellow swim shorts, blue shirt and dorky black hightops. My Girl Kasey gets a helicopter of love trip to "their own island." It's Survivor Bachelorette! Two of my favorite shows combined! I've always thought this is a show that would be successful. To survive they've each brought their own bag of survival goodies (that's right Kasey! a knife and some candy! All you need!) They cut coconuts, build fire and catch fish. Then declare themselves a great pair. I seriously loved this date! Maybe not reality, but a bit more grounded then champagne on a beach... oh wait, they had that too, but you know what I mean. After surviving the tropical island for a day, the helicopter of love picked them up and took them somewhere to doll up and then meet for dinner. Over dinner My Girl Kasey decides to open up about the eating disorder she had when she was in high school. She tells him she doesn't usually tell people about it (though she just told the whole world about it) and her choice to be "brave" wins her the rose. Yay! More of My Girl!

Back at Trump Tower Panama, the elevator opens up and a very lonely table is sitting inside with date card on it (how did the table know which floor button to push?). The group date is for Emily, Niki, Lindzi, Kasey S, Courtney and Jamie. Their date is all about exploring Panama. The gals all arrive in the shortest shorts they could find. Everyone is so impressed with his "manly man" boat driving skills and he acts as tour guide down the river. They arrive at some village, where little boys are playing soccer in their loin cloths. What did abc offer this village to put up with this crew? The girls get dressed in the traditional dress of beaded bikinis and a sarong (all leaving their actual bikinis on except for The Evil Seductress who hopes to win Ben over with sex appeal alone). Ben arrives in his loin cloth (sorry Lindzi I must disagree with the ooh lalala on that one) and they all proceed to paint each other and dance with the locals, yet somehow The Evil Seductress turns the date into a one on one. Come on girls, step. it. up! After showering off their war paint and getting back into their American bikins and coverups it's time for the evening liquor and swimming. Lindzi is wearing a pair of earrings that I own. cool. The Evil Seductress abuses her skills again by planting more sexual thoughts into his head (with invitations to her room). Then poor boring Jamie gets some alone time with him and The Evil Seductress decides to prance around in her white bikini behind her, totally distracting the Knucklehead. Yes, after this episode Shaggy has become Knucklehead. HOLY MOLY I think Emily is wearing a pair of earrings I own too! What does this say about me?! At least I've got the sweet girls' earrings. Heaven forbid that I have a pair that Courtney would own! Especially after sweet (but not always the brightest) Emily decides to apologize to The Evil Seductress, and it's pretty heart felt, and The Evil Seductress practically spits in her face! Oh I wish Knucklehead would see this side of her! Well at least she didn't get the rose. Kick back Lindzi gets it instead. But The Evil Seductress decides that she'll just focus on the possibility that Knucklehead is going to meet up with her for a secret love fest in her room. As she primps for his possible arrival, she opens up about her own insecurities. "I definitely have had a pattern of dating men that appreciate me so much at the beginning and then I become taken for granted. I've been consistently disappointed by men." Oh someone hand me a phone! I must call this girl and clue her in! If you attract guys with your sexuality that only entertains them so much and for so long! It works for the catching (cuz lots of guys are knuckleheads too) but not for the keeping. Luckily Knucklehead does not come a knockin' and The Evil Seductress goes to bed alone.

Lonely elevator table arrives again with a date card for Blakely and Rachel (it's Horse Teeth vs Snaggle Tooth). Horse Teeth is feeling good about the date of death, while Snaggle Tooth is totally aware of the dangers and AWKWARDNESS of this date. Both girls have their highest heels on in preparation for some Latin dancing. They get to ditch their ugly outfits for some sassy Salsa dresses. Then the girls take turns watching each other bump and grind with Knucklehead. Over a third wheel dinner the awfulness of this date is apparent. Snaggle Tooth gets some alone time first and then Horse Teeth (in a darling white dress, minus the belt) gets emotional with him and pleads her case with her own homemade scrapbook book of love. Back to the table and the rose... and it goes to... OH MY GOSH... to Snaggle Tooth!! I actually didn't see that coming! And neither did Horse Teeth. Poor Blakely ran out of that room as fast as she could. Man shows up at the girls room to pick up the suitcase labeled "Blakely" but we all know she probably has 10 more suitcases that size that need to follow her home on that plane. Adios!

Trump Tower Panama - Girls are sitting around talking when Chris unexpectedly shows up before the rose ceremony. He asks to talk to Kasey S. He confronts her about her relationship with her boyfriend Micheal... or exboyfriend. I'm not sure which it is. Apparently she's still in love with this Micheal, who won't marry her, and she came on the show to get over this Micheal. I'm disappointed that the "who's behind door #1" teaser was only a door with Knucklehead behind it. Wouldn't it have been better if it was Micheal! Now that would be a conversation I'd like to see. But instead it was the predictable, I wish you had been honest with me, with Chris sitting near by pretending not to listen to every word. Ben's "I don't sugar coat things. I think you should go home" without batting an eye made me feel he really wasn't that into her anyway. I actually totally felt for the poor girl. Micheal, you need to man up and marry this girl!

Rose ceremony: Lots of one on one talks with the girls, but with the wind blowing I'm just wishing someone would barrette Knuckleheads hair back. And then there was Jamie, poor poor Jamie. This is when I hate this show. When I see a nice sweet girl try to be someone totally not authentic to get a guy. Quiet, boring Jamie decided that to compete with crowd she needed to straddle Knucklehead and attempt to be The Seductress. It was a mess, torn dress and all. This is what Hollywood teaches girls they need to do to get a guy. It sickens me. Anyway, the roses go to Niki, Courtney and Emily. Yep, Jamie's attempt was a crash and burn. Now we're down to 6! And they're off to Belize.

PS What do you eat while watching Bachelor? I absent mindedly went through an apple toaster strudel with ice cream, an itty bitty Baby Ruth, some salt and vinegar chips and a handful of butterscotch chips. Heaven help me.