I was rocking my, oh so antsy, 16 month old outside of Relief Society (a class at church dedicated to women) last Sunday with another woman who was bouncing her 13 month old (OH WE CAN'T WAIT til that 18 month mark....nursery here we come!) when she brought up something that I have been pondering this week. She voiced her frustration with balancing being Martha and Mary, you know the wonderful women who were friends with the Savior in the New Testament. She pointed out that there aren't too many words of counsel directed straight to a woman in the scriptures. So maybe we should pay attention to those given.
I can totally sympathize with Martha. Here is a special friend visiting your home. You're busy attending to the physical needs of everyone there... and you'd just like a little help! You'd love to be sitting there listening to your friend too... but then who would cook, who would clean.... But then Jesus speaks to her "Martha, Martha thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful; and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her"
So, I've thought a lot about his kind counsel this week. Quite often I am so caught up in doing the physical things, cleaning house, making meals, cleaning up after meals, doing laundry, paying bills.... oh the list could go on.... but at the end of the day I often wonder if I have done what is "needful". Have I brushed my kiddos aside, plopping them in front of the TV so I can get my work done? Mary had chosen the good part, something that couldn't be taken away from her. What are those things in my life? I think it's teaching my children, strengthening my testimony, caring for my marriage and just giggling with my kids. Those are things, that can't be taken away from me... as for my clean kitchen or house, heck, it's dirty 10 minutes after I've done it. I know after a day of really focusing on my kiddos, enjoying them, teaching them, I feel great! Even if the house is a mess.
But here is the dilemma. Those physical things still must be done. I know there is a balance, but what is it? This is what I am asking you, my fabulously balanced friends. How do you balance your Mary and Martha? Do you divide up your day? Dedicate only certain days to the physical? Any ideas? Please, I'd love to hear what you try to do...and I know other moms do to.
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Not that I am good at this by any means (especially 76 months pregnant as I am) but I have termed it "Geico Parenting". I spend only 15 minutes at a time doing any one thing, be it cleaning or bill paying or blogging or reading/relaxing or organizing or whatever. But I also make sure that I give each member of my family (including myself) 15 minutes of undivided attention. On the floor playtime. Eye contact when they're telling me stories (I'm really bad at this because I'm often multi-tasking when they are telling me about stuff) and this is THEIR time, it's all about them, everything else can wait 15 minutes. EVERYTHING can wait that long, even the phone ringing. They all BASK in this attention and I find that they are happier and they feel how much I love them and they are more content to play on their own for a bit so I can spend 15 minutes doing the necessary things. And I feel like a better mom taking that time to spend on what matters most. It seems simple but it makes such a difference for our family... and our home... and my sanity! Anyway, good luck finding the balance! I think it's definitely a lifelong challenge for everyone in their various stages! No one has one answer that will work for everyone or in every situation. This is just what happens to work for my family right now.
Hard question... one I think all of us constantly are trying to answer! I LOVE a clean house and perfectly timed dinners but I have had to learn how to entertain Gavin at the same time so he doesn't think he is being ignored. So this is what I do... my deep clean of my kitchen and bathrooms is always done on Monday.. that way I don't have to worry about cleaning out the fridge when I go grocery shopping later that week, and I can spot clean my bathrooms all week long. I give him his own paper towel and tell him where to rub... he loves it! And I think it's good for him to start early to learn how to clean. Laundry I always do first thing in the morning and I always let Gavin help me separate it and carry it to the wash. When I cook meals I bring a chair into my kitchen and have him pour in all the ingredients as I measure.. he LOVES this and he begs to cook now. He also loves to sit in fromt of the oven and watch things bake too :) As for the bills, phone calls, and computer time I wait until he's taking his nap.. those things can wait. My scripture study is either done before he wakes up or after he goes to bed to make myself fill spiritually fed. But all the rest of my day I try to stay as focused on teaching and enjoying time with him as I can!
I used to take umbrage at this scripture story because...let's face it...I am a Martha! And if we are totally honest, in life nothing would get accomplished if it weren't for the Martha's of the world! (So says the organizational/control freak that I am). However, as I "grow-up" and enter a new phase of my life, (that of being a parent to adult children and grandma)I am longing more and more to be a Mary. Being "Martha" is important, but I am finding that being "Mary" (at least in this stage of my life) is better. So when you are overwhelmed, ask yourself the proverbial question "In the eternal scheme of things, where does this lie?" Usually, you will find that messy houses aren't even on the scale, but spending time with those you love is on top!
Hey! We SHOULD get together at the park - when do you usually go? As for your post - This is such a dilema as women, I think. Maybe that's why it is in the scriptures. duh. ;) I don't have any good answers or solutions, because I'm not one of those 'balanced' girls. I'm sure that you are doing great just because of the fact that you are thinking about it. The only thing I try to do is listen to the Spirit - because when I do, He helps me to be more efficient, keeps me on task, reminds me to pause and enjoy my kids, hubby, and the little moments, and lets me know when it's okay to go to bed even though the house is a mess and the dishes aren't done. :) Still, though, this will be something I'm sure I'll always be trying to improve on.
Whoa, what a hard question. I find myself asking the very same thing every day. As a SAHM I feel the need to "do work" like laundry, etc. because I feel guilty that I don't have a "job". I know though that my real job is to raise children that are fully devoted to Christ. To lead them each and every day and to love them every second of the day. It is such a difficult balance. I try to do most of my house work during nap time and at night when they are sleeping. I also make sure to have one on one time with each child every day and to play with them and not just watch them play.I also try and remember that my children will not remember how clean the house was or if dinner was perfect and at the same time every night, what they will remember is our family time and the times we spent together. Motherhood is the hardest job, but the best too.
I've been thinking alot about this very thing myself... It is so hard to balance all of life's responsibilities. I by no means have any answers and seem to just keep adding stuff to my plate that adds to the chaos. I do try to do a little of the cleaning, bill paying, etc each day and also make time to spend with my kids doing what they love each day. But it never seems to be perfect. I still usually feel like I haven't spent enough time with the kids, or I need to spend more time on the house responsibilities, or JD feels neglected. It is so hard, SO HARD, so if you come up with the magic answer, please share.
Grab a paper & pen... head to my house where you can take notes... lots & lots of notes!
These notes, of course, will be of what NOT to do...hehe. But the kids will have fun playing, we will have fun giggling, & perhaps upon your departure you will feel better about how you are doing things... HA!
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