Life After Womack

I have been SOOO looking forward to tonight. Like in a bad way. So much that I totally spaced doing Family Home Evening with my kids. Is this obsession a bit too much ;) Don't worry, it's just those first date jitters. Next week I'll be able to focus and be the good responsible parent I need to be, ya know, be able to balance reality and "reality." So after begging my kids to go to bed, chit chatting with my fellow Bachelor fans (so glad you guys could come over and watch with me!), and grabbing a cookie, I sat down to watch the drama unfold. I must say I was extra excited because a friend of mine from high school is one of the Bachelors. I've actually gotten to talk to him this past week, but he didn't give me any inside scoops... apparently there's lots of rules you must abide by when you sign up for the show. Oooh this season is going to be fun.... even if it is Ashley.

So it begins. First we get a trip down memory lane with Mr Womack. This was during Ashley's blonde highlighted phase. Yes, it didn't work out. Yes, though she didn't go through years of therapy, she has done her own self reflection and sees her own insecurities and issues and is determined to go into the Bachelorette ready to fall in love. And here she is, now in her brunette with bangs phase, all tanned up and ready for some speed dating, Bachelor style. We get the shots of her gazing into the horizon, a shot of her doing her morning run (do any of you exercise with big silver hoop earrings on?), of course the shot of her in scrubs pretending to be a dentist (honey you gotta actually FINISH dental school first... this show is getting in the way of that), and a few shots of her dancing in her FlashDance crop top (alone on stage in some empty theater and then in front of her class that she apparently teaches. When does this girl study?) Yes, we've got it. She's a well rounded, skinny, tan, smart girl, with lots of 80s shirts, who can bust a move. The perfect Bachelorette... I guess.

Okay, now onto a few bios of the Bachelors. And who happens to be first? It's my friend Ryan!!! Ryan, if you're reading this, please tell me how they got you to take your shirt off and go for a run down the beach without totally laughing? And also, I must know... was it your idea to form your fingers in a heart shape around the sun? Ha! Ha! Don't worry, you still looked like a total catch.

Next, we have JP from New York, and he's a Construction Manager. There's something I really like about him.

Ames, also from New York. He has a weird head... like a plastic Ken doll head, and a big ego. And I noticed that as he stepped out of "his" limo (why does he ride in a limo?) that he isn't wearing socks with his suit and shoes. Gross.

Ben, a New Orleans lawyer who rated himself a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10 on his romantic-ness.

Benjamin the winemaker from So Cal. We get to watch him checking the grapes in his tight jeans and ratty white tennis shoes. He's hoping for a brunette who likes his wine.

Bentley a divorcee, from SLC, who has a daughter named Cozy (that's not actually her name), lives in a nice house and owns a family fun center. SEEMS like a great package, but after comments like "the Bachelorette would have a hard time sending me home without a rose" and that he hoped the Bachelorette was going to be Emily I was a little turned off!

Oh then there's the Anthony the greasy Butcher from Jersey.

West (love that name) is a lawyer, and a widower. Apparently he found his wife dead in the tub. It's the male version of Emily's sad story. But I'm not sure I'm ready to feel too bad for the guy yet after reading some odd details about what happened.

William a cell phone salesman... wearing a broken watch.

That's all we get for now and it's on to Ashley who arrives in a strappy sparkly champagne colored evening gown. Still getting used to the hair. It looks a bit like a wig. As Chris Harrison is talking to her we learn something about Bentley. Apparently a past Bachelorette friend of Ashley's (I would bet money it was Michelle Money) called her to let her know that he is there to promote his business. I actually went to college with his ex-wife (a gorgeous gal!), and though I don't know her personally, I do own a few darling hair accessories she made for Tess (CozetteCouture). And from what I've heard, he really is no bueno. Oh the drama. Chris tells Ashley there are lots of great guys and we get the biggest squeal of excitement when she learns that one of the guys is a dentist. Oh the dental pillow talk! Oh the earning potential!

And then the limos arrive and the first out is Ryan!! And as is his way, he gives a great first impression. She's excited by this handsome face.

Next is Jon, with his bright purple paisley tie. Wants to know if they can go straight to the honeymoon and throws her over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. He's lucky that evening gown of hers didn't split right down her behind!

Lucas is nervous and apparently smells good.

Mickey totally tried to go in for a kiss and she dodged it. Dork. But I do like that he's a chef. Anyone who can do great things with food gets a chance in my book.

Tim the totally at a loss for words Liquor Distributor (what? does he drive the Budweiser truck or something?) has nothing to say, lots of awkward silence, and I would swear he's like 40.

Ben scores some points by speaking the language of love to our fluently french speaking Ashley.

Steven our hairstylist declares, "I love your new hair!" to which she responds," I love yours!" He might be nice to keep around just to learn some hair tips from.

Chris a sports marketing director, performs a little rap.

West gives her a broken compass. It's "stuck on West" Love it.

Anthony, the butcher decided to make a Flinn Ryder moment of getting out of the limo, with lots of dramatic pausing and smouldering looks... hmmmm is it Flynn Ryder or Gaston? Is this guy serious, with his shirt unbuttoned, no tie and a gold chain necklace nestled in his hairy chest? yuck.

Rob, all he could think of was announcing that he didn't have any dental crowns.

Ames, our plastic head man, brought ballet tickets.

Matt teaches her his Uncle's (not so) secret handshake, not sure what he wanted to accomplish with that.

Jeff is actually Zorro. The man has come masked. Seriously... he's wearing a mask. He said it's so she can get to know his real self... or maybe he has a third eye or something.

Ben brought his own wine for toast.

Frank plants a kiss on her hand and then takes her for a spin and then ends his weird twirly routine by picking her up for a quick tango across the slick freshly hosed down driveway.

Micheal, or Mike, made the (we all knew was coming) dental joke about actually being excited to see the dentist. hardy har har.

Chris from Canada and has a strong weird accent that makes it hard to understand anything he says. I may need subtitles turned on if he stays too long.

Ryan, brought his point and shoot camera cuz he's a big fan of the show.

JP, no props, just his smile. I think he's cute and different and real. Shaved head and he's right, a good smile.

Nick, duuude he's a personal trainer from Florida with bleached out hair, and prepped with a poem.

Blake, not all that exciting but they'd look like a good couple. He's the dentist. I wonder who's taking care of his practice while he's out on his month long date.

Bentley. She may be right about him, he doesn't seem too interested... but unfortunately I think SHE is interested in him. Oh that always makes people so blind to big red flags.

Constantine used the only decent dental prop and tied pink dental floss on her finger to remember him.

Personally I don't think this should be too hard to hack off a bunch of guys tonight.

Off she goes to get to know them better. She gives a little pep talk, there's lots of grins, a creepy stare from the man in the mask and a shout out compliment from the cell phone salesman. And the competition begins!

Ryan is a man of firsts, and swoops in for the first one on one. He thinks Ashley is "really sparkly." Yes, yes she is. Ryan jumps right in and gives her his impressive resume. Ashley thinks "Ryan is the whole package" Yes, yes he is.

Then we've got the wine man, not so cute, and all he talked about was wine.

The next Bachelor, Matt, decided to call up his mom. Ashley likes that he's a mama's boy, and Mom's lousy advice was 1) don't forget your mom's are watching and 2) don't forget to use protection! Seriously?

And then there is our token guy with the guitar, here comes the first serenade of the season ... oh wait, he's not! He doesn't really play, it was a prop! Ha! That was a good one.

Tim, in his New York accent, started picking fights with the Phantom of the Opera. I knew the testosterone would show up... and the alcohol would kick in.

Ben got some alone time by holding up huge poster board cards in the window. If nothing else, he's interesting, born in France, raised in England, well traveled.

Our Cell Phone Salesman William, may not have a good job, but he does have some skills.... liiiiiiike, impressions. Not sure that'll feed your family.

Now liquor distributor Tim has his chance to make his impression, with lots of slurring and mumbling. Someone has had WAY too much to drink! Right then and there Ashley knows he ain't gettin' a rose. She leaves, but someone (my guess, is one of the producers) sends Ashley back to find him. He's passed out on the couch, and no amount of shaking is waking him up. Ashley is done with the drunkard and she sends him home early. No rose for you. He couldn't have stood up straight at the rose ceremony anyway. And now The Phantom gets his chance to explain his weirdness.

Up next is JP, aka Cupcake. He's darling. He's sweet (like a cupcake) and genuine. And maybe just maybe he'll be the one calling Ashley Cupcake in the future.

Then Bentley gives his story, and he just might have charmed himself out of the bad rumors. Oh Ashley. A pretty face can be blinding.

But now it's time for the first impression rose and it goes to RYAN!!!!! Woot woot!

Bentley feels the competition, even though he's "not overly attracted to her."

And the rest of the roses go to: The Phantom, Constantine, Ben F (the wine bibber), Lucas, Steven (the hair dresser.... I'm starting to realize she likes the shaggy, moppy haired guys), Matt, Nick, Chris D, Ryan M, Dr. Blake, Chef Mickey (hoping for someone to cook for her after the long days at work), Ben C (well spent money on poster board), Stuck on West, William (the phone salesman), Cupcake, Ames (plastic head man), and the final rose goes to Bentley.

We almost got some tears from the rejects. And then the peek into the future. Looks like a fun season, with lots of traveling and plenty of drama and tears. And though Bentley is looking like a jerk, I must agree with him on one thing, I kinda wish it was Emily too.