Vegas and Villans

Oh Monday night, how I look forward to you. Tonight I actually have my sweet husband sitting next to me. He says he's not interested and tells me not to pause the DVR when he gets up to do something... but I know better. And I love his commentary on it all. I'm sure a few of his one liners will make it in here.

So we start things off at the guys pad with Chris giving everyone the details on how all these dysfunctional dates will go. The first one and one date card is dropped off and our weird Ken doll head Bachelor dives for it. The date is for William, the cell phone salesman (there has got to be a more impressive way to say that), and they're heading to Vegas.

Ashley arrives in a white mini dress and a leather jacket. Boys drool. She and William speed on over to the airport where they hop a small private plane to Vegas. We get the "oh look how cool Vegas is" kind of shots, but I know it's just hot and dirty. They pull up in a limo which makes every tourist there stop and turn (cuz seriously you never know who you're going to see there... last time I stayed there I got a picture with Jackie Chan. I know. cool.) The female tourists realize it's Ashley, quickly get over their disappointment that it's not Emily, and start taking pictures with her like she's a celebrity. Now the couple is off to a ritzy mall for some wedding planning. William, who spends his days working at the kiosk in his mall is so excited to be shopping instead... even if it is for a wedding cake and wedding rings. And for the first time I start to see he's actually quite darling. Good smile, great dimple. To top off this in-normal-circumstances-would-totally-freak-out-a-single-guy date, now she's dragging him to the chapel of love. Okay, now he starting to sweat. The vows begin, and he actually says "I do" but when it gets to Ashley she pulls the plug on it all and the relief on his face is priceless.

After scaring this poor boy (I know he's 30, but I don't think he looks a day over 21) to death they get a chance to change into their fancy duds. She descends the stairs in an emerald green satin mini dress and they're off to the watershow in front of the Belagio. They're going to be eating dinner on a teeny platform in the middle the Belagio pond. As she steps into the rowboat my husband and I start to worry. Um honey how are you keeping him from seeing right up that skirt of yours? While eating dinner out on the water, William decides to show his serious side by telling her about his alcoholic father who died. This bonds them since she grew up with an alcoholic father too. As the water sprays behind them the climatic kiss happens and the adoring audience, that has been staked out watching the date unfold, bursts into cheers. "I don't know if any other guy could be as great William" Ashley declares. Setting that bar high aren'tcha Ash.

Next is the group date with Constantine, Ryan M, Mickey, Chris, Ben, Bentley, West, Lucas, Steven, Blake, Matt and Ames and they're also heading to Vegas. Ashley meets the boys looking a lot like Zsa Zsa Gabor in Green Acres with her pink gingham shirt knotted above the belly button, jeggings and heels. Into a theater they go, where the Jabawockeez were performing. This makes me and my husband smile because we love these guys... not the Bachelors... the dancers. Ashley disappears and then reappears on the stage in a mask and a purple sports bra. The next few minutes are spent breaking the guys into two competing groups, the Best Men vs No Rhythm Nation. It's a white guy dance off! Winners get to stay in Vegas while the losers have to go back to LA. There's a lot of pointing and bouncing and then Bentley West, Ben, Lucas, Nick and Blake are declared the winners. So while the other guys spent more time in a plane then actually in Vegas, the winning Bachelors all get to don masks (I bet Jeff, the Phantom wishes he had gotten this date), practice their moves with Jabawockeez and then got to perform with them and Ashley in front of a full theater. Okay, I'll admit, Bry and I were a tad jealous.

Afterward Ashley took some time to have a little one on one time with each of the guys. Dr. Blake was first, and Ashley tells him she's a little afraid that they're too similar, two Type A personalities, but he's smooths things over by saying it'd be "twice as perfect."

Next West got some alone time, and he opened up about his wife's death after 9 months of marriage. And we know Ashley is sucker for sad stories and boys who open up to her.

Then we're on to this seasons villain, Bentley, who shows his complete lack of class by saying "she's obviously a beautiful girl. She has a great body, amazing butt, rocking legs, and having her tickle my [bleep], I mean, that would be amazing. But that's the extent of things. She's just not my type." Okay, I have to tell you something. I was actually going into this show trying to see the good side of Bentley. Why? do you ask. Well, one of my best friends in high school was a guy named Mark. We've kept in touch thru the years and last week it came to my attention that my buddy Mark is business partners with none other than ol' Bentley here. Together they run Airborne, a trampoline arena, that is actually LOTS of fun. Seriously, if you live in UT this place is awesome, a great place to have your kids burn some energy. So of course I had to ask Mark about this Bentley character. And he told me that he really is a great guy and worth defending. But sorry Mark, I'm just not seeing it. After spouting off how he doesn't like her to the camera, he hints to her that he's feeling a little insecure about things which gets her BEGGING, literally, "If you feel something for me, please stick around. Just please, please, please stick around. Please, please, please." Totally playing games with her. Mean.

Well, the next one on one date goes to Micky and JP, wait, that's two. But both don't get to go, it's down to a flipped coin and Mickey the chef gets it. Bummer, I was so hoping it would be JP.

Ashely picks him up from the airport in a gold tank topped with a white jacket and jeans. The theme for the night is flipping a coin. Seriously, every decision they made came down to the flip of a coin. They're date was pretty lame, she repelled for some wine, they ate dinner in a nice suite over looking the Strip, he forgot to wear socks with his loafers, he told her about his mother dying a few years ago (wow lots of sad stories this season!), she flipped a coin to see if he'd get the rose, he did, they went for a moonlight walk at the man made beach of Mandalay bay and then they were serenaded by Colbie something. humph. Boring date, boring guy.

Finally we make it to the rose ceremony. She arrives in a black strapless floor length dress and her hair down in a way that made me very aware of her extensions. JP, who didn't get a date this week stole her away first and in the process stole a kiss or two. Nick teaches her to line dance until William stole her away for some more kisses. This did not go over well with the rest of the guys who didn't already have roses and who were already totally annoyed with all his going on and on about his sappy date. The Phantom spent most of the night lurking on the balcony, looking for his chance to unmask himself. Finally he sees his chance and stops her on the stairs, where he tells her of his divorce and brain hemorrhage. We're at the edge of our seats as he reaches for his mask... okay not really, cuz I've already seen pictures of his face and it's nothing surprising... but just as he starts to lift it, the ABC producer shoves Matt over to stop things. We'll all just have to wait to see the face of this weirdo.

Bentley continues to solidify himself as the biggest jerk ever to walk the halls of the Bachelor mansions by saying "I would rather be, like, swimming in pee than planning a wedding with her" and then swooping her off her feet and planting a big "boring" smooch on her. Of course Ashley totally buys it all and even declares that she has "a pretty good radar on people who aren't being sincere." Radar broken.

And the roses go to Widdower West, Constantine, Ryan (wish we had seen more of you!), Ben C, Nick, Ken doll head, Lucas(?), The Phantom, JP, Chris, Ben F., and Dr Blake. No big alligator tears from any of the rejects... but there's plenty on the previews for next weeks episode. Looks like Bentley continues his quest for being hated by every girl in America.